Marriage Tuneups

Everything that is worth anything in your life needs regular maintenance and attention.

Everything that is worth anything in your life needs regular maintenance and attention. If you didn’t change the oil in your car or replace the roof on your house, then those assets wouldn’t retain their value over time. Worse, yet, they would stop serving you and your life would end up a mess.

Relationships are the same way. Your marriage is your most valuable asset, so you should never neglect it. Of course, we often do take our relationships for granted. We get wrapped up in dealing with the everyday things in life, and we expect our relationships to just last. We wouldn’t do that with our cars or homes, so we certainly shouldn’t do it with our relationships. That’s why marriage tune-ups can be such a valuable tool.

What is a Marriage Tune-Up?

Many couples think that they only need to go to counseling when things are in a state of crisis. However, that’s not true at all. In fact, couples who tend to their relationship throughout the year are more likely to avoid crisis all together. The marriage tune-up is one specific way that couples can tend to their relationship.

A marriage tune-up is a check in, which may include a series of exercises, that allows you to:

  • Air out any grievances before they become big problems
  • Deepen the connection in your relationship
  • Improve communication
  • Plan ahead for any upcoming challenges or stressors
  • Renew your commitment to one another
  • Review and set goals and dreams together

A marriage tune-up is a way of checking in with yourself, your partner, and the state of the marriage. It helps keep you focused on working together to achieve your shared dreams. It keeps your love alive.

When Should You Get a Marriage Tune-Up?

You can benefit from therapy anytime that you think your relationship needs it. However, a marriage tune-up is usually a planned, scheduled event. Think of it as maintenance that you do regularly on the marriage. Just like you take your car in for its oil change every 3000 miles or so, you should get your marriage tune-up on a regular schedule.

Some couples like to plan their marriage tune-up for the period around their anniversary.

It’s a great time to check in, renew your vows and commitments, and set goals for the new year ahead. Anniversary dates and getaways can help rekindle the romance while the tune-up itself lets you do some of the emotional work that keeps the marriage foundation strong.

Of course, you can schedule your marriage tune-up for any time that feels right for both of you. Some examples other than your wedding anniversary include:

  • In the fall, just before the stressors of the holiday season start to take over
  • At the start of each new calendar year
  • Around one or both partners’ birthdays
  • During a scheduled period when you can each take a week off of work to focus on the relationship

You can get a marriage tune-up annually or a few times each year. You might even want to work with your therapist to figure out the best schedule.

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”
– John F. Kennedy

Do You Need a Therapist for a Marriage Tune-Up?

There are many different things that you can do to keep your marriage tuned up on your own. However, it’s smart to have a professional come in now and then to check things out.

You probably clean your own home yourself. You likely even do regularly scheduled maintenance such as mowing the lawn, changing the AC filters, and so forth. You can DIY a lot of your home maintenance. Similarly, you can DIY a lot of your marriage maintenance. However, it’s smart to have someone come in regularly to service the cooler, update the water heater, and check the roof. Likewise, a therapist can help support you with the deeper maintenance work of a marriage.

Plus, for many couples, making a tune-up appointment with a therapist helps hold you accountable to doing the work. It’s easy to let things slide, especially when it seems like all is going okay. Putting the appointment on the calendar helps you avoid that slippage so that you can keep your marriage strong.

Call today to learn more about how a marriage tune-up might help you.